What and why are you?

I'm almost done with college. Weird. Five. More. Weeks.

5 more weeks of Homer in Cyberspace.
5 more weeks of airport lounge.
5 more weeks of UCLA bureaucracy.
5 more weeks of the copy machine/printer in the UCLA stage management office.

I think I'm going to miss it. Aside from the bureaucracy and the copy machine/printer.

A girl just wanted into the airport lounge with the most amazing hair in the world. I'm slightly jealous.

I just took my last midterm ever. That is, if there aren't midterms in grad school. Let's keep our fingers crossed, shall we?

I'm nervous about the future. But it's nice to feel nervous. I haven't felt nervous in a really long time.

Looks like I'm going to Yale... when did THAT happen?

UCSD Interview? Check.
Yale Interview? Check.
Columbia Interview? Check.

Three fantastic interviews. Three fantastic schools. Let's see where this ends up.

In other news, my term paper on Angels and America is intense and due in approximately 10 hours.
And go.

Today so far...
1. I woke up naturally at 8:00AM.
2. I made remarkable headway in Tipping the Velvet for my gay and lesbian literature class. It's FANTASTIC.
3. I answered all 57 emails I awoke to this morning AND scheduled all the priority photo shoots for Homer.
4. I made a fantastic mushroom and spinach omelet for both Ryan and myself, with berries as garnish.
5. I worked out for an hour at the gym.

What's left?
I have to write a paper for Gary's class comparing Hair the musical and Hair the film.
I have to finish my illustrations for my costume history class.
I have to finish preparing my Yale and Columbia prompt books.
I have to organize all of my paperwork and distribute it for Homer in Cyberspace.
I have to organize a thesis on the use of sex in Angels and America.
I HAVE to do my taxes.
I have to conquer the world.

Is it possible? The answer you're looking for is yes.

So, I'm very close to graduating. Just 12 more weeks and I'm home free. Which begs the question-- what next?

I had my first interview/experience at UCSD on Wednesday. It went fabulously, really. My first interview was with a visiting professor and production stage manager for the revival of Grease on Broadway. Within minutes, we were giggling like old friends. We bonded over our mutual acquaintances. My second interview with the head of stage management was good, but I feel like I didn't leave as strong an impression as I had hoped. By that time, my exhaustion was starting to set in and I had to consciously stop myself from putting my foot in my mouth. But overall, I did really enjoy the experience, the students, and the program-- which, well, puts a whole 'nother perspective on next year. Damn. Like I need more things to worry about. Let's just hope I get in.

Speaking of trying to get in to places, March 5th is going to be an EPIC day. In order to conserve time and money, I'm piggy backing my Columbia interview right off of my Yale interview. So here's the schedule: I take a red eye into Hartford, CT (there are no flights to New Haven) and arrive at 5:43AM. I take a bus/taxi/train to New Haven and arrive at Yale for a 9:30AM interview. Then I take the train to Manhattan to make a 3:00PM interview at Columbia. Then I hustle my butt by taxi to JFK airport to take an 8:00PM train heading out of town. I arrive in Los Angeles at 1:00AM. And I have class first thing in the morning.

Couple this with the two papers I have due that week, the final research project I have due that week, and finals the next? Oh, and I forgot to mention Homer in Cyberspace, that started up a month early. And Carnage, which will still be running and Tim is thinking of extending. Well, I'm gonna be busy, that's for sure.

I have a couple saving graces-- Mike is flying out just to visit me this upcoming weekend. I was going to try to reschedule my trip (I'm flying out to Austin the weekend of the 22nd) to see him sooner, but he decided to just buy the tickets and make an extra trip. We're both reaching that point of "Must. See. Now." So despite it being on of the busier times in my life, I'll have someone to keep me semi-grounded. :) I can't wait.

In other news, the roof is leaking in my apartment and half of my carpet is drenching. Gotta love when it rains in Los Angeles. I'm more upset because I was woken up at the crack of dawn for a month by roofers doing their roofing things-- and what the heck did they accomplish? NOTHING, as far as I'm concerned.

I'm thinking about summer and what I want to do. I was thinking of producing something, but I worry that it's too late. Gosh darn, how am I so behind in my life?!

I miss my guilty pleasures of ABC primetime.

Grad applications are pretty annoying, I have to say. Why can't you just accept my 5" binder of GLORY?! Why do I have to have "the best of" binder that is clearly not as impressive as my months and months of making a GLORIOUS 5" binder masterpiece! Columbia and UCSD, you make me sad, you with your crappy admissions requirements. I'm working twice as hard for you two schools... when my Yale application is nice and easy and THAT'S WHERE I WANT TO GO!!!!! Ugh.

I'm also annoyed that I'm trying to watch Arnold in Running Man and the sound won't play. Why, god, why?!

P.S. My birthday turned out to be AWESOME. I don't know how that happened, but I'm thankful for it.

Happy New Year to everyone!

2007 was pretty lame. Only two more days until 2008.

I started to write a really whiny post about how I really hate today, but I guess I'll try to stay positive.

In other news, it's been exactly one year since Sadaam was executed. Awesome.

Christmas came and went. And it left me with $0.58 in my checking account. This evening, I went out for dinner with my sister and tried to buy a copped salad from Corner Bakery with my debit card. It was declined, of course. Of course. Thankfully, I had exactly $9.60 in my purse. My meal was $9.57. I have three cents in my purse. Ho ho ho. I need to get paid and soon. Ah, the holiday spirit with a side of consumerism.

In other news, every time I start to think about graduation, a giant knot forms in my stomach. It's setting in big time... the "what ifs". The GI-NORMOUS "WHAT IFS". Here we go: What happens if I get into Yale? Can I even afford Yale? If so, do Mike and I move in together in New Haven? Is that a total recipe for disaster? What happens if I don't get into Yale? Do I go to other schools if they accept me (Columbia, UCSD, UCI, etc) or do I keep applying to Yale until they let me in? Can I let Mike give up his life to follow me anywhere I want to go? Do I move to Miami and accept a full time AGMA contract at Florida Grand Opera? Do I stay in Los Angeles and try to build upon the contacts I've made at CTG, LA Opera, etc? Do I tour with the Actors' Gang? Do I move back to Orange County and get a job at South Coast Repertory or the Orange County Performing Arts Center? Do I move to New York and try to pick up where I left off at the Joyce? Do I hit up the Broadway stage managers I've worked with and ask if there's an available PA gig? Should I just say, fuck this, I'm moving to Europe? (Fyi, that's what my dad wants me to do.)

There are a million options and then, a million different combination of options. All of which pull me in different directions emotionally and different directions literally. I don't even know where to begin. Any one of these could be the beginning of a completely different life. And I'm scared. What if I don't pick the right one? These are LIFE CHANGING DECISIONS. Before, it's always been, "Okay, elementary school? Check. Middle school? Check. High school? Check. Get accepted into college? Check. Choose a college? Check." Now, there's no definitive check list. It's almost time to take a wild jump into the abyss and hope there's padding at the end of the fall.

Who knows where life is heading? To be honest, I'm mostly scared because I'm thinking about not just myself now, but my family, Mike, my friends, and so forth. There are people in my life I'm not willing to give up. And I don't know whether any of these opportunities can let me have my cake and eat it too. Does every option require a sacrifice?

And now, when all the world starts spinning too fast, my cat just made a really cute "mew" in her sleep. She curled up in the basket next to my computer. It's things like that remind me to breathe.

I'm 20 in two days. Ha. I'm still a baby.

Tim Robbins is writing one of my letters of recommendation for graduate school.

Life does funny things sometimes.

Brooke, Marley and I are flying out to New York on December 14th. Watch out, Manhattan.

Jason Robert Brown is currently less than 200 feet away from me. That's a pretty damn good feeling.

I think the Greeks are slowly destroying my will to get out of bed in the morning. It's 1:44PM, I have everything in the world to do, I haven't eaten, and I'm still lying in bed. Even the boys have been up a good three hours now. I just can't bring myself to get up out bed. Even the thought of ice cream is not getting me out of bed. That's mildly terrifying.

It's either raining or my shower is dripping. I really can't be bothered to go check. Can I just hit the pause button?

Guess what, world? I'm graduating UCLA a year early!

That's right, kids, I'm finishing up this year, class of '08! College in three years! Sweet, sweet goodness, that's what this news is. Sweet, sweet, glorious goodness. Onward to the rest of my life! Maybe grad school? Maybe a career? Who knows?! I'm just stoked to be on my way.

(In other news, I've reaffirmed my love for Steve Buscemi tonight while watching Con Air. I love that movie... I think it might actually be one of my favorites. It could just be that Steve Buscemi is a GENIOUS in it, as he always is. But, yeah. Con Air. Fantastic.)

I've recently come to a revelation, a very personal and very off-putting revelation.

Here's the deal: I'm kind of over men. Most would label this is a temporary phase where I'm all, "Harumph, harumph, I hate men, harumph"; but for once, it's actually not that. For the first time in my entire post-pubescent existence, I absolutely do not want to be in a relationship. In no way whatsoever. Actually, the thought of being in a relationship makes me want to run as fast as I can in the other direction. This scares me considering how much effort I have tried to put into finding someone to be in a "successful, meaningful relationship". But, no. Absolutely not. What was I thinking? Not gonna work. Not now, anyways. Maybe in 10 years? 20?

I used to think that I was in a normal relationship when I saw my significant other twice a month. Little did I know that is not the "standard" for a healthy relationship. I'm the kind of person who needs a lot of space, who needs to be able to work and concentrate on her work. And mainly on her work. I recently met a boy who wanted to spend a lot of time with me. He was very sweet and very kind with a good sense of humor. But every day, I'd get a text message: What are you doing tonight? You're busy? How about tomorrow? You're free tomorrow? Great! Can we hang out the next day too?

My reaction: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

It's terrifying. It's unnecessary pressure. It's so not for me. Soooooooo very much not for me.

So I'm now officially not dating. I'm officially asexual. (Not that I've really been dating or sexual to begin with.) I don't need the hassels. I have no real emotional connectivity to anyone aside from my friends and the one man that I've every truly loved is moving to Texas. So, that's that. I'm officially off the market. I wish there were a category on Facebook that said, "Completely Over It". My first great love is stage management. I don't have the energy or the will to be emotionally available to anyone or anything else.

In other news, Evel Knievel the Rock Opera was amazing. I very much recommend it to everyone.

Why is it so unneccessarily hot?

Mike: "I'm moving to Austin, Texas."
Me: "What?"

I suppose it's the end of a saga. Or at least a temporary breather. In any case, I'm just kind of confused. It really hasn't hit me yet.

I'm officially back from New Orleans. It has been a little bit of "welcome back to reality", I suppose. I have a heck of a lot of paperwork to do for The Greeks (which I FINALLY read on the plane). It's going to be 4 hours of Greek theater in one night. Courtesy razor blades will be handed out with programs.

Wait. Can we talk about the plane ride back to Los Angeles?! Freaking amazing!!! I initially was stuck next to a very nice but well-built (euphemism) couple. When I looked three rows in front of me, there was my friend sitting all by herself. I moved up and then saw that THIS particular row was at an angle, giving me full leg room and the ability to sprawl out. Erica and I were the pimps of row 29. It was AWESOME. Felt like first class. I fully passed out for all 4 hours on the way back. Sooooooo good and soooooo needed after my collective 5 hours of sleep in New Orleans. Rock. Star.

(I'd like to as a side note make a commerical announcement: Go buy Trader Joe's Gnnoci. Just go do it. The kind that is red, not the cheese kind. It's INCREDIBLE, takes five minutes to cook and is about $2. I have never been happier.)

Adam's wedding was incredible. Big brass band. Down South food. Gorgeous people. Margarita goodness. Can life get better? My answer: not really.

New Orleans is the weirdest cross between downtown Los Angeles, Harlem, Disneyland and Las Vegas. New York, move over... the city that never sleeps is definitely New Orleans. Its 3:48 AM.

So, I've been asked to be the production stage manager for a gala event with Duncan Sheik and Steven Sater on October 13th, 2007. Yes, they are the creative team of the musical, Spring Awakening.

Wow. Life.

Tim Robbins sang a song about my iPhone to me last night. It was pretty amazing.

I'm violently angry about this article. Long live his mutha fuckin' majesty (divine right, my ass):

http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/07/11/fired.prosecutors.ap/index.html

So, I'm back from good ole Arizona. I met a lot of good people and had a lot of kick back times. And yet, must admit, I really do not miss the dry heat. We Californians have it so good here. And you never quite realize how amazing our climate is until you're in the middle of the desert with severe cotton mouth (sexy) and dripping sweat (even sexier). So, I'm hoping that a couple of the people I met out there will come to LA in August. I plan on showing them the time of their lives.

On the flip side, I do not live in a 3 bedroom house for $1200... sigh.

We got an AWESOME review in Variety for Gullivers. LA Weekly was pretty decent as well. Come on, Gulliver's Tour.

Tim Robbins is conducting workshops at the Gang all this week. I'm on my way over there right now. :)